ScandaloUUS: April 2019

Welcome to the new Canadian Unitarian Council’s tabloid, ScandaloUUs, now replacing the CUC weekly eNews!

Get the latest juicy UU tidbits here – you won’t believe what you’re about to read! Send us everything you’ve got from your congregation. Anonymous contributions are welcome! Videos coming soon!

In This Issue:

UUA Assimilates the CUC

In a quiet deal that went largely unnoticed, the CUC has once again become part of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) in Boston. With its small staff group serving a whole country, the CUC has had challenges meeting the needs of its members. This deal, which is rumoured to add significant dollars to CUC coffers, will boost the human and financial resources of the stretched CUC staff team.

Canadian UUs are outraged that a wide consultation was not undertaken prior to this decision. R.E Bird, who has been a UU for 69 years, is deeply disappointed, saying that, “The fifth principle of democratic process has been violated here. I was involved in the 2002 transition away from the UUA, and should have been personally consulted about this move.”

Meanwhile, the UUA is delighted with this re-entry. A senior leader, who declined to be identified, said, “We are very pleased that the Canadians are once again officially part of the UUA family. In these troubled times, Canadian values and perspectives are more welcome than ever.

And really, resistance is futile – the UUA will assimilate the CUC, and their cultural distinctiveness will be added to our own.”

CUC Board Slashes Costs by Going to Bermuda

The CUC Board of Trustees, in a move to cuts costs, has decided to hold their annual fall planning retreat and meeting in Bermuda. Board President, Jane Ebbern, said in a statement, “We are working hard to save dollars, and Board Treasurer Tanya Cothran suggested looking at different options for a meeting place. She found an amazing all-inclusive deal for a resort in Bermuda. This move will cut the fall meeting costs by 50%.”

Asked about this atypical behaviour, another Board member who did not want to be named, said that sacrifices had to be made for the greater good of the community.

Shawn Newton Goes to Broadway

Following on the heels of hugely successful performances of “The Clergy Project,” Rev. Shawn Newton has announced that he is turning his attention full time to producing and performing the true-to-life play on Broadway. Negotiations have been finalized with his co-stars, a rabbi and a priest, although the decision of the three clergy to go to Broadway has some of their congregants mumbling about feeling bereft.

But there is no doubt that Broadway loves The Clergy Project, as advance ticket sales are through the roof. The play bares the souls, thoughts, and doubts of a minister, a rabbi, and a priest. Rev. Imm Sucha Fan, who has admitted to an obsession with the play and has been at every performance, said, “It makes me laugh, and then it makes me cry. And then I marvel that these three have the creativity and guts to be so vulnerable on stage.”

The performance premieres at the Broadway Theatre in New York on May 11, 2019. Get yours now – tickets are flying out of the Broadway box office!

OWL is Renamed to SQUURL – Sexuality and Queer UU Religious Life

In a bold move, the CUC has decided to rename OWL in Canada as SQUURl. Vyda Ng, the CUC’s Executive Director shared,” It’s time! OWL is a completely out of date title for this engaging program that has been the ongoing focus of so many Canadian UUs. We’re radically updating OWL to better meet the sexual education needs of the diverse population we serve. Instead of the OWL logo, we’re exploring squirrels as our graphic branding for the new program.”

The CUC board, UU ministers and religious educators are applauding this decision and are eager to see the hoard of nuts (er, we mean programming) to be presented at the 2020 National Conference in Halifax.

BC Congregations in Shock!

It was like any other normal after-service Sunday in UU churches across the province of British Columbia. People sporting their name-tags with pronouns appropriately displayed, coffee, tea and chit chat were shared with special attention to newcomers, and children joyfully milled about with gluten-free cookies and organic juice in hand. Congregational members gradually moved into their inevitable Sunday committee meetings.

And then… happened! One participant at a meeting shared, “People started yawning, falling asleep over their iPads. Nobody could pay attention. It was horrible!” Meetings were canceled and rescheduled by confused leaders. Reports quickly came in that this had occurred at all BC congregations.

An interprovincial study group was immediately convened. With careful research, it was discovered that all the organic, free-trade coffee ordered from their common distributor had been replaced by decaf! The study group released this statement:

“We want to reassure all BC UU congregants that the problem has been solved and the bags of culprit decaf have all been replaced with the real high-octane beans. We will increase our vigilance with properly labeled decaf at all social events. This will never happen again. “

FlameOut, the Thrilling New UU Game

Designed by a group of UU youth from Winnipeg, the CUC has underwritten the development of FlameOut, an interactive adventure game designed for intellectually-actualized phones and devices. The objective of the game is to protect your team ’s flaming chalice from being extinguished by the opposing team (un-UUs) while trying to capture the other team’s chosen symbol. Earn extra points by reviving languishing symbols and rescuing other UU-friendly teams. Get a bonus when you capture other symbols in non-violent ways. Add triple points when you get a minister to join your team!

Play with a group or in the stand-alone single player version. Group play has minimum standards of player diversity and must meet inclusivity requirements in line with UU standards while meeting all accessibility guidelines. Enjoy realistic physic and mechanics, multi-level play and easy operation through an intuitive interface. Develop your cooperative team skills. Rated E for everyone.

Developed by iBanana, FlameOut will be available for download in September 2019. Proceeds will go towards supporting the expansion of the SqUUrl program.

In the Next Issue:

Who will the new Canadian UU bishop be? Elections are coming up fast at the May 11 Annual General Meeting. Nominate and vote for your favorite! Criteria: has to be a living being.

CUC Announces New Required Food Labeling for all UU Congregations. We’re thinking far beyond gluten free, dairy free and vegan. Pet free or pet-friendly kitchen? Made with love? Grown without prejudice? Share your thoughts!